Disobedience, Mercy, Disobedience

When I was in high school, I once disobeyed my father because I had made a commitment that I didn't want to break.  I had given someone my word and I felt very strongly that if I were to break my commitment then it would mean that I could not be trusted. So I disobeyed my father.

He had grounded me and I'm not even sure what for.  One of the things that bugged me was that he knew that I had made a commitment and even had given his ok.  Even so, he proceeded to ground me, which I deserved, but I didn't understand why he was asking me to break my commitment.  So on the day that I was to be grounded, I was instructed to come straight home from school.  The thing I had committed to wasn't for a few hours later, so I actually stayed at school and waited until I was needed.

When I got home later that evening, you could believe that my father was upset - and rightfully so.  We had a decent discussion about this, and I'm not even sure what the compounding punishment became, but there was something that he told me that stuck with me.  He told me that even while he had grounded me, he was still going to allow me to make my commitment.  It puzzled me as to why he couldn't have just mentioned that in the first place.

I never asked him about that.  I should have, but I never did.  It took me about 15 years to understand the lesson that my father was trying to teach me.

You see, after I had been disobedient, my father grounded me, but is was as if his method of punishment was allowing me to redeem myself.  Had I come home after school, all would have been well.  When I didn't come home, it showed a complete lack of trust and obedience on my part.

Now I'm reminded about God and how we are instructed about matters of obedience.  How many times have I disobeyed God?  How many times has He given me a second chance?  And how many times have I squandered that second chance?

Sometimes, we think that the punishment for our actions is unfair.  We fail to see that the consequences that we face are often times chances at redemption.  So instead of going the way we should, we take our own path, only to find that the road would have been easier if we had just listened to the instructions given to us.

Have you ever done anything like this?

Passed Judgment

If you are someone that looked forward to reading my blog posts, I apologize to the two of you.  For the rest, just pretend that I have been updating this blog every week and that you just now stumbled upon it.  Also, I just want to let my mom know that I'm still alive.  I'm not doing drugs, I haven't strayed from the Lord, and I still have a very stable job.  I've gained a few pounds, but I'm going to work those off within the next few months.  So overall, I'm doing well.

Today I went to church.  This is quite a journey for me (it takes me 1.5 hours to get there), and some weeks I just don't want to get into the car and drive.  But to be honest with you, after service every week, I'm glad that I make it to church.  It seems that God always has something to say to me, whether or not it was part of the pastor's message.  Hold on to this thought; I'm going somewhere with it.

Do you ever have a fear of what people think of you?  I think everyone does.  And if you say you don't, you're lying.  EVERYONE wants at least SOMEONE to like them.  Most people want a few people to like them.  And there are a number of people that want EVERYONE to like them.  For those of you in the latter group, please get a grip on reality.  It's not possible.

If you're anything like me, you think constantly about what people think of you.  It may not seem like it sometimes, but I care.  Even though I've been told that I have an IDGAF "I don't care what you think" attitude, I certainly do care.  See there, I crossed out that acronym above, because I know my mom might be reading, and I care about what she thinks.  On the other hand, I left it there.Why?  Because IDG.... oh never mind.

For the majority of my life, I've been trying to do what is right in man's eyes.  Even though I was a trouble maker at times, I always wanted to be a good kid, a good guy, down on the inside of me.  I've never done drugs, I've never drank (some people are surprised about that).  I've always made a point to go to church.  I've done my best to do the ethical thing.  Sure, I've had my share of mistakes, but for the most part I've been pretty straight edge.

As I walked into church today, I had an extra feeling of "what will people think of me."  I know where it was rooted, and it didn't really make a difference about where this thought was coming from.  It was there and it was strong.  During the message, Pastor Steve started talking about how we were all layers, like Shrek and onions and Russian Matryoshka dolls.  He said that there are certain layers of ourselves that NO ONE will ever see.  No one except for God, of course.

I started thinking about this and I was struck by a thought.  It was a thought that I hope to be life changing, but we have yet to see.  It occurred to me that I don't need to worry about what people think of me.  I need to be worried about what God thinks of me.  I know that I've heard this at least a thousand times in Sunday School, in sermons, and at weekly Bible studies.  But there are just somethings that you don't really get until it hits you in the face.

I'm not going to worry anymore about people passing judgment on my life.  I won't be upset, I won't be angry, and I won't be sad.  If anything, I might feel sorry (that's another blog for another day).  I honestly think that we could all be better off if we worried less about man's judgement and worried more about God's judgement.  The Lord knows your heart.  He knows where you stand.  Don't let your life get weighted down by trying to impress everyone in the world. And as Pastor Steve put it so well, "Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you were today."