I'm going to be honest with you about something: I have a slight fear of being 'alone' for the rest of my life. It's not an overbearing thought nor is it a thought that constantly plagues me. But it is something that I think about from time to time. And sometimes I even pray for God to send me someone.
So this morning, as I was preparing for my day, I started thinking about this. The thought popped into my head that I should just stop thinking about it. After all, it's usually when you least expect it the God sends you someone, right? Chuck Testa. I have heard this a thousand times and I decided today that I disagree with this sentiment.
Before I explain to you why I feel this way, let's make sure that I am clear about a couple of things. First of all, Jesus Christ is at the center of my focus. I desire to follow God's will for my life. In following His will, the top priority for me is to be the best father that I can be for my daughter. After that, I have been called to ministry and am also focused on the matters of this calling. Lastly, there are other matters that also have priority. So finding a wife is not even on my radar at the moment. Pretty much long range sensors only. I'm not ruling out any possibilities that may arise, however.
I just lost the game.
Let's get on with it...
Like I've said, I've heard it a thousand times: "Stop looking. God will send you someone when you least expect it." The main issue that I have with this is that there is nothing in the Bible that supports this thought (I welcome your disagreement). In fact, it is mostly to the contrary: If you want a wife, then you seek a wife, and then you find a wife. I was first reminded of Proverbs 18:22, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
And also Proverbs 31:10, "A wife of noble character who can find?"
We also read in Genesis 24 of how Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac.
Interesting, right? I mean, think about it. To find something typically means that you have to look for something. I guess it's possible to find something that you're not looking for, but that can only mean two things. Either the item you found wasn't yours and should be returned to the person it belongs to, or you really don't care that much about whatever it was because you didn't realize that you should have been looking for it in the first place. (my apologies for the run-on. I'm tired)
I'll wrap it up by saying that I am not actively looking, but I am looking. Big deal. If I find a wife, then great. If not, well at least I'll not have wasted much of my time. And who knows, maybe I don't even qualify for a second chance -- I'm learning to be ok with that.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Saturday, December 19, 2015
An Open Letter to My Future Wife
You might be saying to yourself, "Self, is Brent serious?". You can respond to yourself with a definite yes.
The past few days and even months have caused me to think about certain things and I feel that this is the proper avenue of sharing these thoughts.
Mind you, I may never get remarried and I'm ok with that. But if I do, I think it's important for my future wife to know some things about me. So here it goes:
Dear Future Wife,
I know that you are beautiful in every way and that you are a daughter of God. I also know that you are full of the Holy Spirit. You're heart is open to the poor and needy. You have strength and dignity, but you know when to laugh. You are wise in your words but you speak in kindness.
I could go on, but there are a few things that'd I'd like for you to know about me:
First of all, I was created by God for a purpose. Through the course of my life, I've tried to please God and walk the path that He has set out for me. Along the way, I have made some mistakes. However, God has been good to me and has allowed me to learn from these mistakes. I have learned the lesson to chose carefully and be patient.
There are things that you need to know about me before you choose me. There is nothing shocking or crazy in what is stated below. I just need you to know what I am passionate about and I need you to accept these things and be willing to encourage me in these matters.
First of all, I have a daughter who is my princess and she means the world to me. Please know that this will not be a contest of who I love the most. There are different areas of my heart dedicated to different things. I will not make you compete for attention, nor will I do the same to her. I expect that you can love my daughter as your own child and welcome her into your heart unconditionally.
Secondly, you must know that I have a calling from God to minister His Word to others. I am not a man that desires financial wealth or lots of nice things. I may not always be able to give you what you want but I promise to provide for your needs, not only financially but also emotionally. Things may get tough but we must rely on God to guide us in our decisions.
Because I have a calling from God, I want you to know that I am passionate about what I do. My heart beats to see the live's of people changed by God. I am an instrument for that purpose. I know you are the same way. Some days, it may seem like my mind is far from you and that I am consumed with the things I am involved with with. But I promise you that, as long as God is at the center of our lives, you will be the first person that I think of when I wake up, and the last person that I think of before I sleep. I will not put our ministry or job above our marriage.
I guarantee that there will be days that I will be stupid and you will want to punch me in the face. But I know that you will extend grace and mercy to me and realize that I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I promise to hold you in the same regard.
Lastly, I promise to love you just because. Not because I have fallen in love with you, but because I choose to love you. So if you ask me why I love you, the answer will always be "because I want to." All I ask is that you return the favor.
Your's truly,
Brent
The past few days and even months have caused me to think about certain things and I feel that this is the proper avenue of sharing these thoughts.
Mind you, I may never get remarried and I'm ok with that. But if I do, I think it's important for my future wife to know some things about me. So here it goes:
Dear Future Wife,
I know that you are beautiful in every way and that you are a daughter of God. I also know that you are full of the Holy Spirit. You're heart is open to the poor and needy. You have strength and dignity, but you know when to laugh. You are wise in your words but you speak in kindness.
I could go on, but there are a few things that'd I'd like for you to know about me:
First of all, I was created by God for a purpose. Through the course of my life, I've tried to please God and walk the path that He has set out for me. Along the way, I have made some mistakes. However, God has been good to me and has allowed me to learn from these mistakes. I have learned the lesson to chose carefully and be patient.
There are things that you need to know about me before you choose me. There is nothing shocking or crazy in what is stated below. I just need you to know what I am passionate about and I need you to accept these things and be willing to encourage me in these matters.
First of all, I have a daughter who is my princess and she means the world to me. Please know that this will not be a contest of who I love the most. There are different areas of my heart dedicated to different things. I will not make you compete for attention, nor will I do the same to her. I expect that you can love my daughter as your own child and welcome her into your heart unconditionally.
Secondly, you must know that I have a calling from God to minister His Word to others. I am not a man that desires financial wealth or lots of nice things. I may not always be able to give you what you want but I promise to provide for your needs, not only financially but also emotionally. Things may get tough but we must rely on God to guide us in our decisions.
Because I have a calling from God, I want you to know that I am passionate about what I do. My heart beats to see the live's of people changed by God. I am an instrument for that purpose. I know you are the same way. Some days, it may seem like my mind is far from you and that I am consumed with the things I am involved with with. But I promise you that, as long as God is at the center of our lives, you will be the first person that I think of when I wake up, and the last person that I think of before I sleep. I will not put our ministry or job above our marriage.
I guarantee that there will be days that I will be stupid and you will want to punch me in the face. But I know that you will extend grace and mercy to me and realize that I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I promise to hold you in the same regard.
Lastly, I promise to love you just because. Not because I have fallen in love with you, but because I choose to love you. So if you ask me why I love you, the answer will always be "because I want to." All I ask is that you return the favor.
Your's truly,
Brent
Open Box
Think upon the following analogy: It is a retail analogy in which God owns a store that humans are bought with a currency called love. The product (you) determines it's own pricing. You get to tell people how much love you want in order to make the purchase. Also consider that people have "love credit cards" that have been issued by society and make the claim that you can pay for something with the love that you do not have and slowly repay that love over time (but in the end, you'll spend more than you wanted to and will most likely end up broke because of it).
I want you to know that I am an open box product. This means that someone took me home, opened me up, took out all the pieces, and tried to make me work. Once they realized that I was not the product that they wanted, they tried to repackage me and return me to the place where they picked me up. If you have ever worked in retail, you know that customers are the worst at repackaging things.
The proprietor of the store not only knows that the return policy is unconditional, but He also knows exactly how to put the pieces back into the box. As I am properly repackaged, the observation is made that there are a few pieces missing. Knowing that the unit is still operational, God carefully continues to repackage me without the original pieces in place. Some pieces can be remanufactured and added to the package, but some cannot.
Typically, open boxed products are placed with a label stating this fact, and they are reduced in price. I tell myself that I don't expect as much in payment from the next buyer, but that I will not accept credit.
I may sit on the shelf for the rest of my life, or someone might come for me tomorrow. Either way, I am content to wait patiently.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Disobedience, Mercy, Disobedience
When I was in high school, I once disobeyed my father because I had made a commitment that I didn't want to break. I had given someone my word and I felt very strongly that if I were to break my commitment then it would mean that I could not be trusted. So I disobeyed my father.
He had grounded me and I'm not even sure what for. One of the things that bugged me was that he knew that I had made a commitment and even had given his ok. Even so, he proceeded to ground me, which I deserved, but I didn't understand why he was asking me to break my commitment. So on the day that I was to be grounded, I was instructed to come straight home from school. The thing I had committed to wasn't for a few hours later, so I actually stayed at school and waited until I was needed.
When I got home later that evening, you could believe that my father was upset - and rightfully so. We had a decent discussion about this, and I'm not even sure what the compounding punishment became, but there was something that he told me that stuck with me. He told me that even while he had grounded me, he was still going to allow me to make my commitment. It puzzled me as to why he couldn't have just mentioned that in the first place.
I never asked him about that. I should have, but I never did. It took me about 15 years to understand the lesson that my father was trying to teach me.
You see, after I had been disobedient, my father grounded me, but is was as if his method of punishment was allowing me to redeem myself. Had I come home after school, all would have been well. When I didn't come home, it showed a complete lack of trust and obedience on my part.
Now I'm reminded about God and how we are instructed about matters of obedience. How many times have I disobeyed God? How many times has He given me a second chance? And how many times have I squandered that second chance?
Sometimes, we think that the punishment for our actions is unfair. We fail to see that the consequences that we face are often times chances at redemption. So instead of going the way we should, we take our own path, only to find that the road would have been easier if we had just listened to the instructions given to us.
Have you ever done anything like this?
He had grounded me and I'm not even sure what for. One of the things that bugged me was that he knew that I had made a commitment and even had given his ok. Even so, he proceeded to ground me, which I deserved, but I didn't understand why he was asking me to break my commitment. So on the day that I was to be grounded, I was instructed to come straight home from school. The thing I had committed to wasn't for a few hours later, so I actually stayed at school and waited until I was needed.
When I got home later that evening, you could believe that my father was upset - and rightfully so. We had a decent discussion about this, and I'm not even sure what the compounding punishment became, but there was something that he told me that stuck with me. He told me that even while he had grounded me, he was still going to allow me to make my commitment. It puzzled me as to why he couldn't have just mentioned that in the first place.
I never asked him about that. I should have, but I never did. It took me about 15 years to understand the lesson that my father was trying to teach me.
You see, after I had been disobedient, my father grounded me, but is was as if his method of punishment was allowing me to redeem myself. Had I come home after school, all would have been well. When I didn't come home, it showed a complete lack of trust and obedience on my part.
Now I'm reminded about God and how we are instructed about matters of obedience. How many times have I disobeyed God? How many times has He given me a second chance? And how many times have I squandered that second chance?
Sometimes, we think that the punishment for our actions is unfair. We fail to see that the consequences that we face are often times chances at redemption. So instead of going the way we should, we take our own path, only to find that the road would have been easier if we had just listened to the instructions given to us.
Have you ever done anything like this?
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Passed Judgment
If you are someone that looked forward to reading my blog posts, I apologize to the two of you. For the rest, just pretend that I have been updating this blog every week and that you just now stumbled upon it. Also, I just want to let my mom know that I'm still alive. I'm not doing drugs, I haven't strayed from the Lord, and I still have a very stable job. I've gained a few pounds, but I'm going to work those off within the next few months. So overall, I'm doing well.
Today I went to church. This is quite a journey for me (it takes me 1.5 hours to get there), and some weeks I just don't want to get into the car and drive. But to be honest with you, after service every week, I'm glad that I make it to church. It seems that God always has something to say to me, whether or not it was part of the pastor's message. Hold on to this thought; I'm going somewhere with it.
Do you ever have a fear of what people think of you? I think everyone does. And if you say you don't, you're lying. EVERYONE wants at least SOMEONE to like them. Most people want a few people to like them. And there are a number of people that want EVERYONE to like them. For those of you in the latter group, please get a grip on reality. It's not possible.
If you're anything like me, you think constantly about what people think of you. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I care. Even though I've been told that I have anIDGAF "I don't care what you think" attitude, I certainly do care. See there, I crossed out that acronym above, because I know my mom might be reading, and I care about what she thinks. On the other hand, I left it there.Why? Because IDG.... oh never mind.
For the majority of my life, I've been trying to do what is right in man's eyes. Even though I was a trouble maker at times, I always wanted to be a good kid, a good guy, down on the inside of me. I've never done drugs, I've never drank (some people are surprised about that). I've always made a point to go to church. I've done my best to do the ethical thing. Sure, I've had my share of mistakes, but for the most part I've been pretty straight edge.
As I walked into church today, I had an extra feeling of "what will people think of me." I know where it was rooted, and it didn't really make a difference about where this thought was coming from. It was there and it was strong. During the message, Pastor Steve started talking about how we were all layers, like Shrek and onions and Russian Matryoshka dolls. He said that there are certain layers of ourselves that NO ONE will ever see. No one except for God, of course.
I started thinking about this and I was struck by a thought. It was a thought that I hope to be life changing, but we have yet to see. It occurred to me that I don't need to worry about what people think of me. I need to be worried about what God thinks of me. I know that I've heard this at least a thousand times in Sunday School, in sermons, and at weekly Bible studies. But there are just somethings that you don't really get until it hits you in the face.
I'm not going to worry anymore about people passing judgment on my life. I won't be upset, I won't be angry, and I won't be sad. If anything, I might feel sorry (that's another blog for another day). I honestly think that we could all be better off if we worried less about man's judgement and worried more about God's judgement. The Lord knows your heart. He knows where you stand. Don't let your life get weighted down by trying to impress everyone in the world. And as Pastor Steve put it so well, "Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you were today."
Today I went to church. This is quite a journey for me (it takes me 1.5 hours to get there), and some weeks I just don't want to get into the car and drive. But to be honest with you, after service every week, I'm glad that I make it to church. It seems that God always has something to say to me, whether or not it was part of the pastor's message. Hold on to this thought; I'm going somewhere with it.
Do you ever have a fear of what people think of you? I think everyone does. And if you say you don't, you're lying. EVERYONE wants at least SOMEONE to like them. Most people want a few people to like them. And there are a number of people that want EVERYONE to like them. For those of you in the latter group, please get a grip on reality. It's not possible.
If you're anything like me, you think constantly about what people think of you. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I care. Even though I've been told that I have an
For the majority of my life, I've been trying to do what is right in man's eyes. Even though I was a trouble maker at times, I always wanted to be a good kid, a good guy, down on the inside of me. I've never done drugs, I've never drank (some people are surprised about that). I've always made a point to go to church. I've done my best to do the ethical thing. Sure, I've had my share of mistakes, but for the most part I've been pretty straight edge.
As I walked into church today, I had an extra feeling of "what will people think of me." I know where it was rooted, and it didn't really make a difference about where this thought was coming from. It was there and it was strong. During the message, Pastor Steve started talking about how we were all layers, like Shrek and onions and Russian Matryoshka dolls. He said that there are certain layers of ourselves that NO ONE will ever see. No one except for God, of course.
I started thinking about this and I was struck by a thought. It was a thought that I hope to be life changing, but we have yet to see. It occurred to me that I don't need to worry about what people think of me. I need to be worried about what God thinks of me. I know that I've heard this at least a thousand times in Sunday School, in sermons, and at weekly Bible studies. But there are just somethings that you don't really get until it hits you in the face.
I'm not going to worry anymore about people passing judgment on my life. I won't be upset, I won't be angry, and I won't be sad. If anything, I might feel sorry (that's another blog for another day). I honestly think that we could all be better off if we worried less about man's judgement and worried more about God's judgement. The Lord knows your heart. He knows where you stand. Don't let your life get weighted down by trying to impress everyone in the world. And as Pastor Steve put it so well, "Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you were today."
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
The Follow Up
So here I am, installing Windows on VMware. Browsing the internet for something to do, I clicked on a link in my bookmark bar that I haven't been to for awhile. For your enjoyment: psthelinenkeeper.tumblr.com
Please make sure to subscribe. Maybe if you do, the authors would post more. I know I would (or at least I'd have intentions to post more).
I then took a look at some of my past posts and one caught my eye. I began to read it. Feel free to read it yourself if you haven't already: Good Grades.
After reading that post I was surprised, and almost shocked. I will tell you why in moment. If any of you know me closely, you know what kind of a thrill ride that my life has taken me on in the last year and a half. Some of it brought onto myself, some brought on by others, and some I think might just be God doing what He does. If you don't know me, that's okay. Just understand that my path has been crazy, and I am still trying to work things out.
As I got down to the last two paragraphs there were some things that began to occur to me. Some of the things that have happened recently gained a little bit of meaning. Mind you, it didn't bring me a whole lot of clarity, but it did bring a little bit of understanding.
The words that I had written down in December of 2011 suddenly came back to me. They were words that suddenly came up and hit me in the face. At first thought, I wondered if it was even me who typed those words on a page. But as I thought and read, I was reminded of when and where I was when those words were slated.
It was Christmas season. I was working diligently on directing my first Christmas production without a guide to go by. Because of this I found myself praying a little bit more than I had in the past. In fact, I had gotten into a morning routine that included prayer and Bible reading. You might think that this should be normal for a certified minister, but I was guilty of procrastination. It used to be that I would put off my reading until I had a quiet time. Well, that rarely happened.
Getting back on track:
I was very diligent about my new routine. I would get up, make coffee, read, and then pray. I made this my habit for the next several months. However, there came a time when life changed. It seemed like everything I had and everything that I had worked on was snatched from my grasp. It was as though someone was telling me that I couldn't have THAT life anymore. It wasn't for me and I had to figure out something else.
So I went on with life, trying to keep my head high. I fell away from my routine of prayer and reading. I even eventually stopped going to church. This was mainly because I work on Sundays, but aside from that I almost didn't care. It wasn't up until recently, when I moved to Las Vegas, that my work schedule allowed me to attend church. I'm thankful for the schedule that I have and I'm thankful that I have found a church to call home.
As far as my spiritual life goes, I'm working on getting back on the right track, but I'm far from being where I need to be. Thank God for timely reminders. Thank God that He can remind us of words that we spoke, even years before:
So here I am again, asking myself what my purpose is. But now I ask myself an even tougher question: What are you going to do about it?
Please make sure to subscribe. Maybe if you do, the authors would post more. I know I would (or at least I'd have intentions to post more).
I then took a look at some of my past posts and one caught my eye. I began to read it. Feel free to read it yourself if you haven't already: Good Grades.
After reading that post I was surprised, and almost shocked. I will tell you why in moment. If any of you know me closely, you know what kind of a thrill ride that my life has taken me on in the last year and a half. Some of it brought onto myself, some brought on by others, and some I think might just be God doing what He does. If you don't know me, that's okay. Just understand that my path has been crazy, and I am still trying to work things out.
As I got down to the last two paragraphs there were some things that began to occur to me. Some of the things that have happened recently gained a little bit of meaning. Mind you, it didn't bring me a whole lot of clarity, but it did bring a little bit of understanding.
The words that I had written down in December of 2011 suddenly came back to me. They were words that suddenly came up and hit me in the face. At first thought, I wondered if it was even me who typed those words on a page. But as I thought and read, I was reminded of when and where I was when those words were slated.
It was Christmas season. I was working diligently on directing my first Christmas production without a guide to go by. Because of this I found myself praying a little bit more than I had in the past. In fact, I had gotten into a morning routine that included prayer and Bible reading. You might think that this should be normal for a certified minister, but I was guilty of procrastination. It used to be that I would put off my reading until I had a quiet time. Well, that rarely happened.
Getting back on track:
I was very diligent about my new routine. I would get up, make coffee, read, and then pray. I made this my habit for the next several months. However, there came a time when life changed. It seemed like everything I had and everything that I had worked on was snatched from my grasp. It was as though someone was telling me that I couldn't have THAT life anymore. It wasn't for me and I had to figure out something else.
So I went on with life, trying to keep my head high. I fell away from my routine of prayer and reading. I even eventually stopped going to church. This was mainly because I work on Sundays, but aside from that I almost didn't care. It wasn't up until recently, when I moved to Las Vegas, that my work schedule allowed me to attend church. I'm thankful for the schedule that I have and I'm thankful that I have found a church to call home.
As far as my spiritual life goes, I'm working on getting back on the right track, but I'm far from being where I need to be. Thank God for timely reminders. Thank God that He can remind us of words that we spoke, even years before:
How many "Christians" believe that God should reward them for good behavior? I used to be one of those people that thought that just doing good things and loving God was going to be enough. But why should we get rewards for being good citizens? Just because we go to church once a week, or sing in the choir, or help in the nursery doesn't mean we are doing what God wants for us. Before you get upset, remember that I am speaking to myself as well. I want to be more than just a good Christian. It's hard, but that's what I want. Someday I would like to hear the Lord say, "Good job, Brent. You did more for me than what everyone else expected." Not because I want to be better than everyone else, but because I want to fulfill the calling on my life.
I woke up with a thought in my head, and wrote it down (I think I can write a song about this). As I was praying this morning, I told God that "my purpose is to declare that You are Lord." It's more than just existing. What's your purpose?It was like a cold glass of water thrown in my face. It was almost as if God had issued a reminder and then continued on to issue a challenge. It was if He was saying, "Prove it, Brent."
So here I am again, asking myself what my purpose is. But now I ask myself an even tougher question: What are you going to do about it?
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Questions
Have you ever felt that you were special? That you were meant for something greater? Is this a feeling that everyone has? Or is it just some of us?
What happens when that feeling goes away? What then? Do you just go on to live a mediocre life? Do you stop trying to achieve? Does it even matter?
I mean, everything happens for a reason, right? God has the whole world in His hands, right? Isn't He the one who controls the universe? Didn't He put things into motion? He knew my name before I was born didn't He?
Well then, whats the point of trying to be something great? Why not just live your life and just see how it turns out? Why not just let things take their course? Why try to change the outcome?
Why?
I don't know.
What happens when that feeling goes away? What then? Do you just go on to live a mediocre life? Do you stop trying to achieve? Does it even matter?
I mean, everything happens for a reason, right? God has the whole world in His hands, right? Isn't He the one who controls the universe? Didn't He put things into motion? He knew my name before I was born didn't He?
Well then, whats the point of trying to be something great? Why not just live your life and just see how it turns out? Why not just let things take their course? Why try to change the outcome?
Why?
I don't know.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Through the Clouds
Hello there. I know that it's ben awhile since I last posted. Please forgive me for not staying on top of this.
Life has taken me on a bit of a ride over the past few months. Those of you who know me personally and interact with me regularly know that things have been a trip. Even while writing this post, there are aspects of uncertainty that are circling my life. Despite this, I know that God is a constant and that He holds my future. With that being said, I am going to write the following words with reflection, hoping to see an aspect of this that I have failed to see before.
Lately, I've been struggling with issues of bitterness and hurt. I have become deeply confused with issues that surround my life. There are a lot of other emotions that I have experienced within the last eight months of my life, but the two mentioned above are the ones that are the most prominent. If you don't know what has gone on, you can read my last post, and in the fairness of it all, I'll give you an update.
Since I last wrote, my wife and I have reconciled and we are committed to each other, no matter how difficult the road ahead is. Although we still do not agree on some stuff, we love each other and are working hard to overcome our differences. (EDIT: Ultimately, this never panned out but God has remained faithful to me nonetheless)
Because of the circumstances, I was asked to step down from my role as music pastor at the church I am involved with. My salary was also decreased and because of this, I began employment at Staples as a Senior Certified Tech.
So that's where I'm at. Fast Forward:
Yesterday, I went to Golden Corral with my family and while I was there I ran into the pastor of a prominent church here in Kingman. He told me that a friend of mine had told him my "story." I'm not sure which story he received because our conversation did not go into great detail. I don't know that it really matters. He went on to ask me about what my plans were for ministry and what I was doing with my gifts. I didn't have a real answer for that question. He took out his business card, wrote down his cell number and told me to call him. I've known people that aren't sincere about these gestures and are only trying to gain popularity. I cant say the same about this man. Everything that I have seen and heard about him was genuine. I was intrigued. The whole situation struck me as "strange."
This morning I text messaged a good friend of mine to let him know about what went on. After a few texts back and forth, it came down to this: I have a lot of emotions going around that I feel like God's voice is being clouded.
It's as if God's voice is the sun, and I am a plant that needs His light to grow. As the storm clouds come in, I begin to loose sight of His light. Pretty soon, the sky is darkened by clouds that are full of thunder and lightning. But more importantly, they are full of fresh pure water. After the clouds have been hovering for awhile, the rain begins to pour. As the water hits my body, I am reminded that this will help nourish me and help me grow stronger. It will allow me to be rooted much deeper that I have ever been before. All I have to is to hold on until the storm passes, so that I am not uprooted and washed away.
Once the rain stops, the clouds pass and I can see the sun. It hasn't left. It is still in the same sky where I saw it last. I realize now no matter how much of God's voice I hear that I will not grow without the storm. Now thankful for the rain that once threatened my existence, I cannot wait to see the sun again.
Life has taken me on a bit of a ride over the past few months. Those of you who know me personally and interact with me regularly know that things have been a trip. Even while writing this post, there are aspects of uncertainty that are circling my life. Despite this, I know that God is a constant and that He holds my future. With that being said, I am going to write the following words with reflection, hoping to see an aspect of this that I have failed to see before.
Lately, I've been struggling with issues of bitterness and hurt. I have become deeply confused with issues that surround my life. There are a lot of other emotions that I have experienced within the last eight months of my life, but the two mentioned above are the ones that are the most prominent. If you don't know what has gone on, you can read my last post, and in the fairness of it all, I'll give you an update.
Since I last wrote, my wife and I have reconciled and we are committed to each other, no matter how difficult the road ahead is. Although we still do not agree on some stuff, we love each other and are working hard to overcome our differences. (EDIT: Ultimately, this never panned out but God has remained faithful to me nonetheless)
Because of the circumstances, I was asked to step down from my role as music pastor at the church I am involved with. My salary was also decreased and because of this, I began employment at Staples as a Senior Certified Tech.
So that's where I'm at. Fast Forward:
Yesterday, I went to Golden Corral with my family and while I was there I ran into the pastor of a prominent church here in Kingman. He told me that a friend of mine had told him my "story." I'm not sure which story he received because our conversation did not go into great detail. I don't know that it really matters. He went on to ask me about what my plans were for ministry and what I was doing with my gifts. I didn't have a real answer for that question. He took out his business card, wrote down his cell number and told me to call him. I've known people that aren't sincere about these gestures and are only trying to gain popularity. I cant say the same about this man. Everything that I have seen and heard about him was genuine. I was intrigued. The whole situation struck me as "strange."
This morning I text messaged a good friend of mine to let him know about what went on. After a few texts back and forth, it came down to this: I have a lot of emotions going around that I feel like God's voice is being clouded.
It's as if God's voice is the sun, and I am a plant that needs His light to grow. As the storm clouds come in, I begin to loose sight of His light. Pretty soon, the sky is darkened by clouds that are full of thunder and lightning. But more importantly, they are full of fresh pure water. After the clouds have been hovering for awhile, the rain begins to pour. As the water hits my body, I am reminded that this will help nourish me and help me grow stronger. It will allow me to be rooted much deeper that I have ever been before. All I have to is to hold on until the storm passes, so that I am not uprooted and washed away.
Once the rain stops, the clouds pass and I can see the sun. It hasn't left. It is still in the same sky where I saw it last. I realize now no matter how much of God's voice I hear that I will not grow without the storm. Now thankful for the rain that once threatened my existence, I cannot wait to see the sun again.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Life.
**EDIT**
I did not write this post to make anyone look like a bad guy. The situation that I am in is no one's fault but my own.
**EDIT**
This post might come as a shock to some of you, so please have a seat.
I am being very careful in writing the following post. There are a lot of emotions caught up in what has been going on, but today I just want to give you the facts of my life.
Instead of trying to tell a backstory, I will just start here:
My wife has filed to divorce me. The final explanation to this is still quite unclear. I can tell you, however, that I am a flawed man and I would be a liar if I said that I was perfect. There are things in my past that I am not proud of. I have made mistakes that I am almost embarrassed to speak of. On the other side of the coin, I have made a concerted effort to change several behaviors in my life. Although I feel that I have come a long way from where and who I once was, it appears that I have failed in some area of my life.
Because of the situation that I am in, there will be a lot of things in my life that are changing.
For starters, I have moved out of my home and now live in a one bedroom apartment. This is why I need to find a home for my dog. He is very well behaved. If you can take him, let me know. I would prefer that he go to someone that I know well.
I will also be looking for new employment. If you know of someone who is hiring, please let me know.
Previously, I lived in a one vehicle household. Because of that, I did not own a car. I recently purchased a van, but it needs a bit of work done to it. If you are able to help me with that, I would appreciate it.
And finally, I covet your prayers. Pray for me in anyway that the Lord brings to your mind. I will greatly appreciate it.
If you have any questions, feel free to direct message me.
Thanks,
Brent
P.s. I promise to make my next post cheery. Or maybe overly sarcastic. I don't know yet.
I did not write this post to make anyone look like a bad guy. The situation that I am in is no one's fault but my own.
**EDIT**
This post might come as a shock to some of you, so please have a seat.
I am being very careful in writing the following post. There are a lot of emotions caught up in what has been going on, but today I just want to give you the facts of my life.
Instead of trying to tell a backstory, I will just start here:
My wife has filed to divorce me. The final explanation to this is still quite unclear. I can tell you, however, that I am a flawed man and I would be a liar if I said that I was perfect. There are things in my past that I am not proud of. I have made mistakes that I am almost embarrassed to speak of. On the other side of the coin, I have made a concerted effort to change several behaviors in my life. Although I feel that I have come a long way from where and who I once was, it appears that I have failed in some area of my life.
Because of the situation that I am in, there will be a lot of things in my life that are changing.
For starters, I have moved out of my home and now live in a one bedroom apartment. This is why I need to find a home for my dog. He is very well behaved. If you can take him, let me know. I would prefer that he go to someone that I know well.
I will also be looking for new employment. If you know of someone who is hiring, please let me know.
Previously, I lived in a one vehicle household. Because of that, I did not own a car. I recently purchased a van, but it needs a bit of work done to it. If you are able to help me with that, I would appreciate it.
And finally, I covet your prayers. Pray for me in anyway that the Lord brings to your mind. I will greatly appreciate it.
If you have any questions, feel free to direct message me.
Thanks,
Brent
P.s. I promise to make my next post cheery. Or maybe overly sarcastic. I don't know yet.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Navigational Error
Good afternoon. I hope everyone is doing well. I am doing good. There are certain things in life that I think could be going better, but it's all in the Lord's hands.
My weekend has been pretty good so far. We are having our men's conference this weekend and I have been busy. I'd figured I'd take a little bit of time to write about some things that have been on my heart. As always, feel free to comment on this post.
Here is a basic update about some things:
When I originally typed the address into Google Maps, I didn't notice what went on. I zoomed straight into Las Vegas to see the city view. I know how to get to Vegas. As I was on the highway heading out of town, I realized that I had left my phone in navigation mode. For the fun of it, I left it on. It was something that I don't usually do because of battery life, but I wanted to go to Fry's anyway and get a car charger.
I was about 20 miles out of town when I was told to make a u-turn. I was shocked. I asked myself, "Does the GPS know something that I don't? Should I take the suggested route? Maybe there is road construction. But I would have known about that." So I went on. Taking my chances I continued driving down the road. I figured that maybe there was a glitch and that it would get it right after it recalculated the route. I checked the GPS every ten miles seeing if it had changed it's mind. I got about 60 miles out of town and it was still telling me to make a u-turn.
And one point in time, the GPS wanted me to take a road that wasn't clearly marked, and I'm not even sure that it existed. I turned it off. Obviously it wasn't going to give me an accurate estimate of how much time until my destination. Here's what I found out though: Evidently, according to Google, there is a portion of non-travel-able (I've never seen so many hyphens) road on the US-93. Look it up. Try and change the route. Go ahead. When I drove into what I am now calling the Willow Beach Triangle, Google told me that I could not find a route to my destination. Like I had just fallen off of the face of the earth.
How many times have you listened to your friends, thinking that they should be right, only to find out that they're not? It has happened to me on several occasions. Sometimes we are not smart enough to think for ourselves. And sometimes, we know what is better for us. I've known my share of people who will tell me what I should do. I've learned to trust God and to listen to his voice. Had I went the direction that my GPS told me to go, I would have been late, or lost, and maybe even stranded.
Next time, use common sense, not your GPS.
My weekend has been pretty good so far. We are having our men's conference this weekend and I have been busy. I'd figured I'd take a little bit of time to write about some things that have been on my heart. As always, feel free to comment on this post.
Here is a basic update about some things:
- My mom has a boyfriend - This doesn't really bother me, as I have stated before, but I have my worries. Most of which I will keep to myself (if you are a close friend of mine, you know why I am worried). She did tell me that she is extremely happy at this point in time. I am very glad of that. I've been praying for my mother to receive some joy in her life. If this is the form that God wishes to send it, then I will not argue with the Lord.
- I sold one of my guitars - I was hesitant at first to do this, but I found a home for it with someone who I know will be good to it.
- I am tired and hungry - That's all.
When I originally typed the address into Google Maps, I didn't notice what went on. I zoomed straight into Las Vegas to see the city view. I know how to get to Vegas. As I was on the highway heading out of town, I realized that I had left my phone in navigation mode. For the fun of it, I left it on. It was something that I don't usually do because of battery life, but I wanted to go to Fry's anyway and get a car charger.
I was about 20 miles out of town when I was told to make a u-turn. I was shocked. I asked myself, "Does the GPS know something that I don't? Should I take the suggested route? Maybe there is road construction. But I would have known about that." So I went on. Taking my chances I continued driving down the road. I figured that maybe there was a glitch and that it would get it right after it recalculated the route. I checked the GPS every ten miles seeing if it had changed it's mind. I got about 60 miles out of town and it was still telling me to make a u-turn.
And one point in time, the GPS wanted me to take a road that wasn't clearly marked, and I'm not even sure that it existed. I turned it off. Obviously it wasn't going to give me an accurate estimate of how much time until my destination. Here's what I found out though: Evidently, according to Google, there is a portion of non-travel-able (I've never seen so many hyphens) road on the US-93. Look it up. Try and change the route. Go ahead. When I drove into what I am now calling the Willow Beach Triangle, Google told me that I could not find a route to my destination. Like I had just fallen off of the face of the earth.
How many times have you listened to your friends, thinking that they should be right, only to find out that they're not? It has happened to me on several occasions. Sometimes we are not smart enough to think for ourselves. And sometimes, we know what is better for us. I've known my share of people who will tell me what I should do. I've learned to trust God and to listen to his voice. Had I went the direction that my GPS told me to go, I would have been late, or lost, and maybe even stranded.
Next time, use common sense, not your GPS.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Small Problems
Hello. I'm sorry that I haven't been as consistent with this as I should be. But I am going to try and change that. I had planned on making this post on Friday, but I got delayed. At any rate, I'm back. Enjoy.
Some of you may have heard that I had an uninvited guest in my house recently. I'm not sure that I would like to post all the details about this event, but you can read the article on the Kingman Daily Miner website. I read through the comments recently and I'm thinking a trip to Disneyland, and a German Shepherd puppy are in the works. The puppy will have to wait until the current one passes, but that might be something to look into.
But on a serious note, and maybe a bit of a humorous one, I ended up chasing this guy thorough and out of my house. At that point in time, I was already on the phone with the 911 dispatcher for about three minutes. Needless to say, the police were right around the corner. As this man was running out of my house I went after him. Just to let you know, I was still in bed when my daughter alerted me of his presence. I also sleep with a minimal amount of clothing on. So I ran out my house barefoot and in my underwear. It was quite embarrassing as there was passing traffic while all of this was unfolding. Looking back at it now, it is quite comical.
The part that I really want to get to has to do with having bare feet. It's a general rule in my house that if you go into the garage, you MUST wear shoes. I have a drill press that I use to drill through metal, and use an angle grinder on a semi-normal basis. Although I try my best to sweep and vacuum the floor, there might be a rogue metal shaving and I don't want it ending up in anyone's foot.
But there I went. Running through my garage with no shoes and no socks. You can guess what had happened, but I didn't realize that I had a metal sliver in my foot until late that evening. It was a consequence of my action, but I didn't really notice right away. In fact, I thought my shoes were giving me an issue. I had initially inspected the bottom of my foot and hadn't found anything to constitute the pain.
The next morning, I awoke and re-examined my foot. I knew then that it wasn't a result of bad shoes. I twisted my leg into a precarious position in order to see the bottom of my foot more clearly. I finally found the problem. It took me a good part of the day and a nice body ache to extract the sliver from my foot. But even with the added pain, the relief was great enough to make me smile.
Fast forward to yesterday-
I noticed that my daughter had a splinter in her hand. I'm not sure of how long that it was there, but it was on the road to an infection. So my wife found the tweezers, and I went to work. At first, my daughter was frightened at what was going to take place. She had tried to argue with us that there was nothing wrong with her hand. She does that often. She will say she feels fine when she is sick. She does this so she doesn't have to go to the doctor and have to take medicine or get a shot. But her parents know better.
My wife held her so she couldn't squirm and I continued to pull the splinter from her hand. As I was doing this, I could feel the anxiety she had about what was going on. It was almost heart-breaking. Finally, I was able to pull out a disgusting looking piece of wood from her hand. As I pulled it out, I could feel the relief that went through her body. It didn't take her long to exclaim, "That feels better!" She even thanked me.
From that, I drew the following analogy: We have little things in our lives that are causing us pain. Much like my foot, these issues can crop up because we don't make good decisions. It can even take awhile to realize where the issue lies. Leaving our issues unchecked could possibly lead to bigger issues, like an infection. And leaving an infection unchecked could lead to a loss of limbs, blindness, or even death.
We must realize our issues and then take them to God. We might have to go through some pain and discomfort, but the end result will be worth it all.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Bigger Dreams
This is the first official "guest blog" post here. It comes from my good friend, Sara Napier. To check out more of her writing, click here. I will only preface this by saying that I hope you are as encouraged by this post as much as I was.
Bigger Dreams
This has been a pretty interesting year, if I do say so myself. If someone were to have walked up to me a year ago to tell me that my life would be like it is today, I'm not sure I would have believed them. The more I talk to people about this subject, the more I see it's a re-occurring theme. 2011 was a year of change for many and for more people, that probably means some major discomfort and perhaps a few sleepless nights. The end result? Hopefully clarity and strength for the days to follow.
So, what's in store for this next year? I can't say for sure but I can't shake the feeling that it's going to be one of greatness! Possibly the most amazing year I've ever seen. I feel like it will be a year of dreaming and reaching goals. Perhaps it is just the optimist in me but I think 2012 could really be my/your/our year! Here is something to think about: If dreams can only be limited by what we anchor them with, if they can only be challenged by trying to reach them and if they simply cost a moment of thought to the vessel they inhabit then why should our dreams ever be small?
I don’t remember anything great coming from aspiring to just "get by" (I mean, isn’t apathy revolting for anyone else, yet?) So, how do we change our lives? How do we reach our dreams? Well, my dear Watson, I feel it's all mind over matter. Simply stated: Change your thoughts, change your life.
Now, I can't tell you how to do that from an exact, psychological standpoint though I know the place to start would be in the word of God. The verse in Romans that says
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." -Romans 12.2
is not just there for decoration. We must renew our minds. In other words, we need to change the way we think about some things! There are a lot of brilliant truths that can be focused on in Romans 12.2 but for now -- since this post is about changing our minds -- let's focus on just that! Over the course of the last few months I have seen where my mind needs to be renewed. Here are the simple facts I thought I already knew and lived. By renewing them in my mind, they are seriously changing my life right now. Perhaps, they will do the same for you:
1. I anchor my own dreams. I limit what is possible in my own life.
“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” -John 14.12-14
2. I need to stop getting so worked up over stupid details. I limit God in my own life just because I look around a little bit too much and use “worldly” methods for problem-solving rather than applying some faith. I think I’ll live a more peaceful life from that alone but then bonus! He promises peace!
“Jesus answered them, 'Do you now believe? Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.'” -John 16.31-33
3. There is not a person that loves me like God does. This passage is kind of a trip for me. He loves me! So much so that He would prepare a place for me. I could write an entire entry, blog theme or book on this very passage (in fact, I'm pretty sure people already have) so without saying too much, this passage has really helped me to heal and put some things into perspective.
“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” -John 14.1-4
4. My dreams are meaningless if I don’t hang them on the One that inspires them. God gives me a vision but also the provision to carry it. I cannot for a second think that it’s going to work out best if I let another person handle it for me or allow myself to believe that a person could ever take the place of God.
“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' ” -Matt. 19.26
5. There is not a thing that can separate me from the Love of God. Though I can walk away and I can break His commandments, I will not be abandoned by or cut off from Him. It’s honestly my fault when I fail in that area.
“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8.37-39
With all of this in mind, what stands in my way of achieving anything great? Why should I be fearful of the journey ahead or jaded by the paths behind? No, I believe this coming year is one that should be celebrated, a year where every opportunity should be seized and relished. I am not one for "New Years resolutions", per say, but if that will help you act on this then by all means, consider it that. Let's all strive for this together. What are some of the things you can renew your mind with? What thoughts do you know need to change?
Let us move forward this coming year and be the people that God tells us we can be. The sky is the limit and dreams are free so let's get on with this new year with renewed minds, renewed hope and renewed strength!
Dream big and dream often!
Let the Revival Begin.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sweet Nothings
I was told that it was okay to blog about nothing, so this is going to be a blog about nothing. But by the end of it, it might have some meaning to it. We'll see. I think I will just write some random things in the space below.
My sister is giving her Facebook friends a "25 Christmas Memories" list. I think it's pretty cool and I am considering loaning her the space on my blog to put them down. I also want to republish her "25 Best and Worst Christmas Songs" list.
We got a new printer at the church. It prints really fast, even while duplexing. This makes me very excited.
My brother and I broke something yesterday. I'm not telling what it was. But when we broke it, I was really upset. Now, it's kind of comical. I just hope we can get it working again. And soon.
My office is cleaner than it was last week. Big thanks to my buddy Randy. I've been challenged to keep it clean for a month. I'm gonna do it. If you put something in my office that you think is mine and it's not, I'll probably just throw it away. Just so you know.
Beware, this next one is a little deep:
My mom has a "friend." It doesn't really bother me except for the fact that he doesn't trust her sons to help her make good decisions. Specifically about cars. I'm no auto mechanic, but my brother is pretty smart when it comes to those things. I would like my mom's friend to understand that we are looking out for the best interests of my mother.
My coffee cup is empty. I need to go make some coffee. Be on the look out for those Christmas lists!
My sister is giving her Facebook friends a "25 Christmas Memories" list. I think it's pretty cool and I am considering loaning her the space on my blog to put them down. I also want to republish her "25 Best and Worst Christmas Songs" list.
We got a new printer at the church. It prints really fast, even while duplexing. This makes me very excited.
My brother and I broke something yesterday. I'm not telling what it was. But when we broke it, I was really upset. Now, it's kind of comical. I just hope we can get it working again. And soon.
My office is cleaner than it was last week. Big thanks to my buddy Randy. I've been challenged to keep it clean for a month. I'm gonna do it. If you put something in my office that you think is mine and it's not, I'll probably just throw it away. Just so you know.
Beware, this next one is a little deep:
My mom has a "friend." It doesn't really bother me except for the fact that he doesn't trust her sons to help her make good decisions. Specifically about cars. I'm no auto mechanic, but my brother is pretty smart when it comes to those things. I would like my mom's friend to understand that we are looking out for the best interests of my mother.
My coffee cup is empty. I need to go make some coffee. Be on the look out for those Christmas lists!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Good Grades
A note to my readers: I just want to thank you for reading my blog. Last month I started this blog and only posted for two weeks in a row and my total page views for November were 271. Even though this might not be much for some people, I am flattered that so many people have taken the time to read. Thanks!
Today, as I was driving, I decided to just take in some of the views around me. I had the radio turned off as I often do, and I was just able to see the things around me. This is probably good, considering that I was driving. But I'm talking about actually paying attention. None of that zombie driving stuff. And before you judge be about the zombie driving, know this: You've done it too and I've never been in an accident where I was driving.
Side note: The only accident that I can recall being in was when my brother rear-ended my mom's van. My mom was driving and her dog and I were passengers. Thank God that no one seriously injured, even though I wanted to deck my brother in the face, in a loving kind of way.
Getting back to the story- One of the things that I noticed this morning was a bumper sticker that said, "My Child is a Good Citizen at Cerbat Elementary." My first thought was that the parent in front of me should just go ahead and pat themselves on the back. Give yourself a cookie, because your child is well behaved. However, as it often goes, one though led to another. And then another. And finally, another. The following is a chronicle of the thoughts that I had while looking at this bumper sticker.
I started remembering the bumper stickers that my siblings and I brought home when we were kids. I think most of us kids had been given more than one bumper sticker that read something like this: "My Child is on the Honor Roll at P.T. Coe Elementary School." This was a green bumper sticker with white lettering. No matter how many my mom already had on her car, I always felt like we should just keep adding them. It would act as a scoreboard in a sense. But that never flew. So the extras went on bulletin boards, filing cabinets, and I think I even put one on my bike once.
Now even though the green bumper sticker with the white lettering was something to be cherished, it was pretty much a blessing from God to come home with a white bumper sticker with green lettering. This meant that you were on the "Principal's Honor Roll" and that you had made an A+ in every subject. I'm sure that my sister, Sarah, had several of these, but I only remember ever getting one. It was like I had won the lottery! Like the Lord's favor just shined upon me! I'm pretty sure that I convinced my mom to add this one on her car because it was a pretty special occasion.
I don't really know if they still give out Honor Roll stickers, because I haven't seen one lately. It got me to thinking about something else:
Has society gotten so consumed with the fact that achievements shouldn't be rewarded? I mean, good behavior is great, but that should be expected. It was expected of me. I would get a good whopping if I acted up in school (which happened a lot). Why do we think that we should be rewarded for things that are normal?
My daughter is only 3 so I haven't had much experience with the public school system, but I know what's going to happen when my daughter achieves something more than what is expected of her. I will make my own bumper sticker telling the world that my daughter went above and beyond. Not because I'm trying to have a contest with other parents, but because I want everyone to know that I am proud of her and give her a reason to keep going. Of course, there are more things in life than just bumper stickers, but that's just a thing I'm going to do.
This all brought me to my final thought (for now).
How many "Christians" believe that God should reward them for good behavior? I used to be one those people that thought that just doing good things and loving God was going to be enough. But why should we get rewards for being good citizens? Just because we go to church once a week, or sing in the choir, or help in the nursery doesn't mean we are doing what God wants for us. Before you get upset, remember that I am speaking to myself as well. I want to be more than just a good Christian. It's hard, but that's what I want. Someday I would like to hear the Lord say, "Good job, Brent. You did more for me than what everyone else expected." Not because I want to be better than everyone else, but because I want to fulfill the calling on my life.
I woke up with a thought in my head, and wrote it down (I think I can write a song about this). As I was praying this morning, I told God that "my purpose is to declare that You are Lord." It's more than just existing. What's your purpose?
Today, as I was driving, I decided to just take in some of the views around me. I had the radio turned off as I often do, and I was just able to see the things around me. This is probably good, considering that I was driving. But I'm talking about actually paying attention. None of that zombie driving stuff. And before you judge be about the zombie driving, know this: You've done it too and I've never been in an accident where I was driving.
Side note: The only accident that I can recall being in was when my brother rear-ended my mom's van. My mom was driving and her dog and I were passengers. Thank God that no one seriously injured, even though I wanted to deck my brother in the face, in a loving kind of way.
Getting back to the story- One of the things that I noticed this morning was a bumper sticker that said, "My Child is a Good Citizen at Cerbat Elementary." My first thought was that the parent in front of me should just go ahead and pat themselves on the back. Give yourself a cookie, because your child is well behaved. However, as it often goes, one though led to another. And then another. And finally, another. The following is a chronicle of the thoughts that I had while looking at this bumper sticker.
I started remembering the bumper stickers that my siblings and I brought home when we were kids. I think most of us kids had been given more than one bumper sticker that read something like this: "My Child is on the Honor Roll at P.T. Coe Elementary School." This was a green bumper sticker with white lettering. No matter how many my mom already had on her car, I always felt like we should just keep adding them. It would act as a scoreboard in a sense. But that never flew. So the extras went on bulletin boards, filing cabinets, and I think I even put one on my bike once.
Now even though the green bumper sticker with the white lettering was something to be cherished, it was pretty much a blessing from God to come home with a white bumper sticker with green lettering. This meant that you were on the "Principal's Honor Roll" and that you had made an A+ in every subject. I'm sure that my sister, Sarah, had several of these, but I only remember ever getting one. It was like I had won the lottery! Like the Lord's favor just shined upon me! I'm pretty sure that I convinced my mom to add this one on her car because it was a pretty special occasion.
I don't really know if they still give out Honor Roll stickers, because I haven't seen one lately. It got me to thinking about something else:
Has society gotten so consumed with the fact that achievements shouldn't be rewarded? I mean, good behavior is great, but that should be expected. It was expected of me. I would get a good whopping if I acted up in school (which happened a lot). Why do we think that we should be rewarded for things that are normal?
My daughter is only 3 so I haven't had much experience with the public school system, but I know what's going to happen when my daughter achieves something more than what is expected of her. I will make my own bumper sticker telling the world that my daughter went above and beyond. Not because I'm trying to have a contest with other parents, but because I want everyone to know that I am proud of her and give her a reason to keep going. Of course, there are more things in life than just bumper stickers, but that's just a thing I'm going to do.
This all brought me to my final thought (for now).
How many "Christians" believe that God should reward them for good behavior? I used to be one those people that thought that just doing good things and loving God was going to be enough. But why should we get rewards for being good citizens? Just because we go to church once a week, or sing in the choir, or help in the nursery doesn't mean we are doing what God wants for us. Before you get upset, remember that I am speaking to myself as well. I want to be more than just a good Christian. It's hard, but that's what I want. Someday I would like to hear the Lord say, "Good job, Brent. You did more for me than what everyone else expected." Not because I want to be better than everyone else, but because I want to fulfill the calling on my life.
I woke up with a thought in my head, and wrote it down (I think I can write a song about this). As I was praying this morning, I told God that "my purpose is to declare that You are Lord." It's more than just existing. What's your purpose?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Unknown Gifts
Unlike my last post, this blog has a hint of sarcasm and humor. Reader beware. Also, because you REFUSED to comment on my last two posts, you are required to comment on this one. By reading the following post, you agree to the Terms & Conditions of Brent, which is basically to comment on this post. Or to comment on one of the last two posts. You get the point.
Black Friday will soon be upon us. And I'm not talking about Rebecca Black's Friday, either. And in case you forgot, watch the video so you can get the song stuck in your head for the next week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0. But, getting back on track...
It is my philosophy that we should celebrate one holiday at a time. Now, before you Jesus juke me, hear me out (because I know that we should celebrate the birth of Christ all year round, but I'm specifically talking about the Christmas holiday). I basically took this philosophy from Nordstrom, but I've always believed it. Those of you who are going to Walmart at 10pm on Thanksgiving should be slapped for two reasons: Reason #1 - You should be at home with your family playing Monopoly, Risk, or electronic Clue;Reason #2 - You have defiled the traditions of our forefathers. The first reason is good enough. As if Christmas shopping isn't hard enough, you've got to challenge us to start 2 hours early?
Anyway, enough with my rant about black Friday. It's not the reason I'm posting. But I DO want to talk about Christmas shopping and how difficult it can be.
I personally maintain the principle that I should make it easy on you to do birthday and Christmas shopping for me. I will tell you what I would like for a gift if you ask me. I am not one of those people that say, "I don't know," or "be creative," when asked what they want for Christmas. I find it frustrating and annoying. I think it's mostly because I don't want to walk around Walmart for three hours trying to figure out what to get someone. At least give me an idea. And honestly, I don't care if I don't get a single thing on my list, so don't worry.
If I ask you what you want for Christmas and you give one of the above mentioned reasons, then know this: I am getting you a giftcard. Why? because I'm not going to spend hours trying to find a gift for you only to find out you'll never use it or that you're going to return it for something else. I will save us both the trouble. "But it's the thought that counts." Yes. And I am thinking about both of us and about the trouble we can avoid. On a side note, if you want to get me something for Christmas, a giftcard to Lucille's would be about all that I could ask for.
The one person that I won't get a giftcard for is my wife. For some reason, I am attracted to the idea of being incredibly creative in giving her a gift. She has never really told me what she wants for Christmas so I'm always daunted with the task of getting something good. I admit, I've had some hits and misses. But this year I think I've got a hit. I won't know until December 25th, but I'll give you the results.
In all reality, I'm attracted to being successful in my creativeness. It gives me a thrill to realize that I knew what she would enjoy without her telling me. Sometimes the gifts she enjoys are the ones she probably never even thought of wanting. Those are the best. All of this got me thinking about something:
You know those times when you either don't know what you want in life, or you just refuse to tell God what it is? And somehow He always manages to give you what you need? I don't know about you, but I've been there several times. And sometimes you get the things in life that you never even knew you needed or wanted. It got me to thinking that I'm glad that God didn't just give me a giftcard and say, "Just go get what you want." We all know that sometimes what we want is not good at all.
On the flip side of the coin, how many times do we fail to receive blessings from God because we don't make our needs known? Because we are proud. Too proud to even tell God what is that we want.
What are some of the things that God has blessed you with that you didn't know you needed, but you were glad you got anyway?
Black Friday will soon be upon us. And I'm not talking about Rebecca Black's Friday, either. And in case you forgot, watch the video so you can get the song stuck in your head for the next week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0. But, getting back on track...
It is my philosophy that we should celebrate one holiday at a time. Now, before you Jesus juke me, hear me out (because I know that we should celebrate the birth of Christ all year round, but I'm specifically talking about the Christmas holiday). I basically took this philosophy from Nordstrom, but I've always believed it. Those of you who are going to Walmart at 10pm on Thanksgiving should be slapped for two reasons: Reason #1 - You should be at home with your family playing Monopoly, Risk, or electronic Clue;
Anyway, enough with my rant about black Friday. It's not the reason I'm posting. But I DO want to talk about Christmas shopping and how difficult it can be.
I personally maintain the principle that I should make it easy on you to do birthday and Christmas shopping for me. I will tell you what I would like for a gift if you ask me. I am not one of those people that say, "I don't know," or "be creative," when asked what they want for Christmas. I find it frustrating and annoying. I think it's mostly because I don't want to walk around Walmart for three hours trying to figure out what to get someone. At least give me an idea. And honestly, I don't care if I don't get a single thing on my list, so don't worry.
If I ask you what you want for Christmas and you give one of the above mentioned reasons, then know this: I am getting you a giftcard. Why? because I'm not going to spend hours trying to find a gift for you only to find out you'll never use it or that you're going to return it for something else. I will save us both the trouble. "But it's the thought that counts." Yes. And I am thinking about both of us and about the trouble we can avoid. On a side note, if you want to get me something for Christmas, a giftcard to Lucille's would be about all that I could ask for.
The one person that I won't get a giftcard for is my wife. For some reason, I am attracted to the idea of being incredibly creative in giving her a gift. She has never really told me what she wants for Christmas so I'm always daunted with the task of getting something good. I admit, I've had some hits and misses. But this year I think I've got a hit. I won't know until December 25th, but I'll give you the results.
In all reality, I'm attracted to being successful in my creativeness. It gives me a thrill to realize that I knew what she would enjoy without her telling me. Sometimes the gifts she enjoys are the ones she probably never even thought of wanting. Those are the best. All of this got me thinking about something:
You know those times when you either don't know what you want in life, or you just refuse to tell God what it is? And somehow He always manages to give you what you need? I don't know about you, but I've been there several times. And sometimes you get the things in life that you never even knew you needed or wanted. It got me to thinking that I'm glad that God didn't just give me a giftcard and say, "Just go get what you want." We all know that sometimes what we want is not good at all.
On the flip side of the coin, how many times do we fail to receive blessings from God because we don't make our needs known? Because we are proud. Too proud to even tell God what is that we want.
What are some of the things that God has blessed you with that you didn't know you needed, but you were glad you got anyway?
Friday, November 18, 2011
Quiet Remedies - Part 2
Read Part 1 if you haven't already: http://brentingroum.blogspot.com/2011/11/quiet-remedies-part-1.html
In the words that follow I promise to divulge the reason why I cried yesterday. But before that, I need to finish telling you about what happened between my father and I.
So there I was. Wait. What a dumb way to start a post. Let me try again...
I sat on the couch in my parent's living room about to tell them what I had done and about the mess that I had gotten myself into. I wasn't there because I was in the neighborhood and just decided to stop by. I had basically made an appointment with my parents because "I need to talk to you about something." That, in and of itself, applies a huge pressure to any situation. I don't know if my parents knew what was coming next or not.
Now, I'm not going to go into detail about what I had done because I'm not going to scratch at an old wound. I'm sure there will be a day where I feel like talking to you about it but not today. At any rate...
After I had told my parents about what had happened, I was shocked at my dad's response. There was no hint of surprise on his face. He was not enraged, as I thought he might be. In the calmest form I have ever seen my dad, his exact words were as follows: "Okay. Just know that I love you." Whoa! Wait. What happened to my father. This was a guy who was accused of throwing scripture portion books at Bible Quiz matches. And I promise he tried to run me over in the car once (the jury was still out on this one up until the day my dad passed, and will remain unanswered until I actually make it to heaven and ask the Lord Himself about it).
I had seen a part of my dad that I can't consciously remember seeing before this point. He was kind. He was gentle. And most of all, he didn't have a whole lot to say.
This is where it started. It was my realization that I could just go and hang out with my dad. There was nothing like just going over to his house and sitting with him. It always seemed like he knew my troubles. He knew about the stresses that I was going through and in most cases, I could tell that he had been there before. The one thing that I loved about my dad is that he never tried to tell me how to fix my issues. He just let me sit there and think about things. If I had a question, he was there to answer it. So on most days, after we had lunch, I would just go over to the house and sit on the couch. We had already had our conversation about all the things we liked to talk about. So that's what we did. We just sat there. It was so refreshing.
Now, getting back to yesterday:
I've been pretty stressed out about a few things, mostly having to do with Christmas, and I was looking for that place. When I had remembered it, I started balling like a baby. I had to text a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) just to tell him that I missed my dad. I really wasn't sure what was going on.
After a few minutes, I came back to Earth. I started thinking about God. I feel really bad about this but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized my dad had become an amazing example of my heavenly Father. They both knew what was going on with me. They both understood my hurts. And here's the most amazing part of it all: Through the silence of my Earthy father, he had taught me to listen to the sound of my heavenly Father. Wow.
Although I miss my dad, and I miss going over to hang out with him, I have figured out that I need to find that new place of peace. Just a place where I can simply take comfort in the silence. The Lord is there sitting with me, and He's ready to answer my questions. He even gives me some advice. I can thank Mark Ingroum for teaching this to me, even though its been about a year and a half since I've seen him. I would say that I hope to be at least half the father that he was to me, but no: I want a double portion of that blessing. Just as Elisha said to Elijah, "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit."
Where is that place that you like to go to hear from God? What have your parents taught you about God with just their actions?
Until next time...
In the words that follow I promise to divulge the reason why I cried yesterday. But before that, I need to finish telling you about what happened between my father and I.
I sat on the couch in my parent's living room about to tell them what I had done and about the mess that I had gotten myself into. I wasn't there because I was in the neighborhood and just decided to stop by. I had basically made an appointment with my parents because "I need to talk to you about something." That, in and of itself, applies a huge pressure to any situation. I don't know if my parents knew what was coming next or not.
Now, I'm not going to go into detail about what I had done because I'm not going to scratch at an old wound. I'm sure there will be a day where I feel like talking to you about it but not today. At any rate...
After I had told my parents about what had happened, I was shocked at my dad's response. There was no hint of surprise on his face. He was not enraged, as I thought he might be. In the calmest form I have ever seen my dad, his exact words were as follows: "Okay. Just know that I love you." Whoa! Wait. What happened to my father. This was a guy who was accused of throwing scripture portion books at Bible Quiz matches. And I promise he tried to run me over in the car once (the jury was still out on this one up until the day my dad passed, and will remain unanswered until I actually make it to heaven and ask the Lord Himself about it).
I had seen a part of my dad that I can't consciously remember seeing before this point. He was kind. He was gentle. And most of all, he didn't have a whole lot to say.
This is where it started. It was my realization that I could just go and hang out with my dad. There was nothing like just going over to his house and sitting with him. It always seemed like he knew my troubles. He knew about the stresses that I was going through and in most cases, I could tell that he had been there before. The one thing that I loved about my dad is that he never tried to tell me how to fix my issues. He just let me sit there and think about things. If I had a question, he was there to answer it. So on most days, after we had lunch, I would just go over to the house and sit on the couch. We had already had our conversation about all the things we liked to talk about. So that's what we did. We just sat there. It was so refreshing.
Now, getting back to yesterday:
I've been pretty stressed out about a few things, mostly having to do with Christmas, and I was looking for that place. When I had remembered it, I started balling like a baby. I had to text a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) just to tell him that I missed my dad. I really wasn't sure what was going on.
After a few minutes, I came back to Earth. I started thinking about God. I feel really bad about this but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized my dad had become an amazing example of my heavenly Father. They both knew what was going on with me. They both understood my hurts. And here's the most amazing part of it all: Through the silence of my Earthy father, he had taught me to listen to the sound of my heavenly Father. Wow.
Although I miss my dad, and I miss going over to hang out with him, I have figured out that I need to find that new place of peace. Just a place where I can simply take comfort in the silence. The Lord is there sitting with me, and He's ready to answer my questions. He even gives me some advice. I can thank Mark Ingroum for teaching this to me, even though its been about a year and a half since I've seen him. I would say that I hope to be at least half the father that he was to me, but no: I want a double portion of that blessing. Just as Elisha said to Elijah, "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit."
Where is that place that you like to go to hear from God? What have your parents taught you about God with just their actions?
Until next time...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Quiet Remedies - Part 1
Just a warning: this is a long blog. I'm not going to make it a habit to blog this long, but I need to explain why I'm doing this.
I don't blog. At least I never have before. I've always thought that there was enough blogs in the world and that no one needs to read another one, especially one written by myself. "So," you ask, "why now?" That's a great question. Allow me to explain:
I have been on a Facebook fast since September, and plan on continuing on with it through December. It's been rather liberating to be honest with you. I think everyone should try it. I've missed out on all the drama that people post on Facebook, and better yet, I've been given a lot more free time. This is the main reason I've decided to write. There are others, but none that are incredibly important.
I've been thinking about this for a long time. I've been waiting for something to write about. This morning it came. It was a feeling that came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face. I actually cried. Unlike Pierre Napier, crying is a normal thing for me. My big brother can attest to that.
I started thinking of a place that I needed to go. I place that I could just sit with someone and just keep quiet, not saying anything. Somewhere that I could go and just be refreshed. I could go to the park but there would be no one there to just sit with. I could go to the church and sit in my office, but there'd be too many people there to interrupt me. I knew that I've been to a place like this before and for some reason I couldn't remember it. But wait. Here it comes. I remembered.
Switch gears for a second.
In the later years of my father's life his health begin to deteriorate a little bit more than any of us expected. Because of my flexible schedule I would take up the task of transporting my father to various doctors appointments and mainly to the dialysis clinic on certain days. I would often have lunch with my dad. We would carry on conversations about music, sound systems, and computers. It was great to be able to shoot the breeze with my dad and realize the commonalities that we had.
During my high school years I was usually upset at my father. I thought of him as mean and strict. I still loved him, but my disposition towards him was not accurate. I took the first opportunity I could and moved out of the house (but you must know that my parents bought me a luggage set as a graduation present - hint hint). Four days after I graduated high school I moved out. The next year was pretty interesting. My parents moved to another town, I moved to Texas, and somehow the connection changed. Oddly enough, we all made it back to Kingman, AZ (insert joke here).
As I begin to evolve into a man, I began to seek council from my father. I started to learn about all the things that we both enjoyed doing. This was great! There was an open road for our conversations. I started to see my dad in a different light. Shortly after I had discovered my new relationship with my dad, something happened. Something that changed our relationship forever. I had experienced what I thought to be my first big failure in life. I had to face my dad and tell him what was going on. I was deathly afraid to tell him what I'd done.
I hate to leave you like this, but I'm going to have to split this one up. I have a comment question for you: How's your relationship with your parents today in contrast with how they've been in the past? I promise tomorrow I will give you the rest of this blog, and I promise to tell you why I cried this morning.
I don't blog. At least I never have before. I've always thought that there was enough blogs in the world and that no one needs to read another one, especially one written by myself. "So," you ask, "why now?" That's a great question. Allow me to explain:
I have been on a Facebook fast since September, and plan on continuing on with it through December. It's been rather liberating to be honest with you. I think everyone should try it. I've missed out on all the drama that people post on Facebook, and better yet, I've been given a lot more free time. This is the main reason I've decided to write. There are others, but none that are incredibly important.
I've been thinking about this for a long time. I've been waiting for something to write about. This morning it came. It was a feeling that came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face. I actually cried. Unlike Pierre Napier, crying is a normal thing for me. My big brother can attest to that.
I started thinking of a place that I needed to go. I place that I could just sit with someone and just keep quiet, not saying anything. Somewhere that I could go and just be refreshed. I could go to the park but there would be no one there to just sit with. I could go to the church and sit in my office, but there'd be too many people there to interrupt me. I knew that I've been to a place like this before and for some reason I couldn't remember it. But wait. Here it comes. I remembered.
Switch gears for a second.
In the later years of my father's life his health begin to deteriorate a little bit more than any of us expected. Because of my flexible schedule I would take up the task of transporting my father to various doctors appointments and mainly to the dialysis clinic on certain days. I would often have lunch with my dad. We would carry on conversations about music, sound systems, and computers. It was great to be able to shoot the breeze with my dad and realize the commonalities that we had.
During my high school years I was usually upset at my father. I thought of him as mean and strict. I still loved him, but my disposition towards him was not accurate. I took the first opportunity I could and moved out of the house (but you must know that my parents bought me a luggage set as a graduation present - hint hint). Four days after I graduated high school I moved out. The next year was pretty interesting. My parents moved to another town, I moved to Texas, and somehow the connection changed. Oddly enough, we all made it back to Kingman, AZ (insert joke here).
As I begin to evolve into a man, I began to seek council from my father. I started to learn about all the things that we both enjoyed doing. This was great! There was an open road for our conversations. I started to see my dad in a different light. Shortly after I had discovered my new relationship with my dad, something happened. Something that changed our relationship forever. I had experienced what I thought to be my first big failure in life. I had to face my dad and tell him what was going on. I was deathly afraid to tell him what I'd done.
I hate to leave you like this, but I'm going to have to split this one up. I have a comment question for you: How's your relationship with your parents today in contrast with how they've been in the past? I promise tomorrow I will give you the rest of this blog, and I promise to tell you why I cried this morning.
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