In the words that follow I promise to divulge the reason why I cried yesterday. But before that, I need to finish telling you about what happened between my father and I.
I sat on the couch in my parent's living room about to tell them what I had done and about the mess that I had gotten myself into. I wasn't there because I was in the neighborhood and just decided to stop by. I had basically made an appointment with my parents because "I need to talk to you about something." That, in and of itself, applies a huge pressure to any situation. I don't know if my parents knew what was coming next or not.
Now, I'm not going to go into detail about what I had done because I'm not going to scratch at an old wound. I'm sure there will be a day where I feel like talking to you about it but not today. At any rate...
After I had told my parents about what had happened, I was shocked at my dad's response. There was no hint of surprise on his face. He was not enraged, as I thought he might be. In the calmest form I have ever seen my dad, his exact words were as follows: "Okay. Just know that I love you." Whoa! Wait. What happened to my father. This was a guy who was accused of throwing scripture portion books at Bible Quiz matches. And I promise he tried to run me over in the car once (the jury was still out on this one up until the day my dad passed, and will remain unanswered until I actually make it to heaven and ask the Lord Himself about it).
I had seen a part of my dad that I can't consciously remember seeing before this point. He was kind. He was gentle. And most of all, he didn't have a whole lot to say.
This is where it started. It was my realization that I could just go and hang out with my dad. There was nothing like just going over to his house and sitting with him. It always seemed like he knew my troubles. He knew about the stresses that I was going through and in most cases, I could tell that he had been there before. The one thing that I loved about my dad is that he never tried to tell me how to fix my issues. He just let me sit there and think about things. If I had a question, he was there to answer it. So on most days, after we had lunch, I would just go over to the house and sit on the couch. We had already had our conversation about all the things we liked to talk about. So that's what we did. We just sat there. It was so refreshing.
Now, getting back to yesterday:
I've been pretty stressed out about a few things, mostly having to do with Christmas, and I was looking for that place. When I had remembered it, I started balling like a baby. I had to text a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) just to tell him that I missed my dad. I really wasn't sure what was going on.
After a few minutes, I came back to Earth. I started thinking about God. I feel really bad about this but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized my dad had become an amazing example of my heavenly Father. They both knew what was going on with me. They both understood my hurts. And here's the most amazing part of it all: Through the silence of my Earthy father, he had taught me to listen to the sound of my heavenly Father. Wow.
Although I miss my dad, and I miss going over to hang out with him, I have figured out that I need to find that new place of peace. Just a place where I can simply take comfort in the silence. The Lord is there sitting with me, and He's ready to answer my questions. He even gives me some advice. I can thank Mark Ingroum for teaching this to me, even though its been about a year and a half since I've seen him. I would say that I hope to be at least half the father that he was to me, but no: I want a double portion of that blessing. Just as Elisha said to Elijah, "Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit."
Where is that place that you like to go to hear from God? What have your parents taught you about God with just their actions?
Until next time...
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